Tag Archives: binx

Binx

Today I was going to put down my wonderful cat Binx. I was going to take him to the vet and hold him and cry while he passed quietly. But my baby cat has never been one to do things by the book and that’s not what happened. 

I should have gone yesterday. I could tell that he was ready, but I put it off so Adorabeezle could come with me. I knew I needed someone with me, but I wish I had been stronger. This morning I woke up to the most horrible noise I’ve ever heard. It was a struggle for him, and I began praying fervently that the Lord would just take him. About half an hour later he died in my arms. He did no go peacefully, and I did it alone. 
It was awful. Yet I am relieved. I’m relieved he is no longer suffering. I’m relieved that he won’t need to take any more pills that he hates. I’m relieved that he doesn’t have to fight for his life anymore. 
Right under that relief, I am devastated and the tears will come. But if nothing else, throughout his entire life, this cat has taught me that I am strong. That I can face what I don’t think I can handle. That I can do things I never thought I could. Binx saw me through a lot in a few short years and I will miss him terribly. It was a honor to call myself his mama, and I will always love him. 
I apologize for my continued absence. I will be mourning and moving over the next few days. I will be back, Internet, but until then please remember my baby.  
  

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Category: Cats


A Long Overdue Update

Hey Internet. I know it’s been a while since I told you about Binx or gave you any real update on what is going on in my life. My mom was here for two and a half weeks and then I had some oral surgery because my teeth are the literal worst, but now I’m back to kind of real life.

Binx

So I’m sitting here with Binx perched over my shoulder – the appointment with the feline oncologist basically wet as planned “We think its most likely lymphoma, but to know for sure you need to give us thousands of dollars you don’t have to do exploratory surgery OR we can put him on prednisone to make him feel better until he doesn’t.” I have never felt so guilty for being a poor grad student. Binx is on prednisone, and its been making him feel better. He finally started eating wet food which was SUCH a relief. Unfortunately, his eating has been declining the last few days and I’m worried. Adorabeezle Winterpop says she thinks he is still ok, but I don’t fully believe her. The hardest part is remembering everyday that he is dying – when he is acting more normal its hard to remember he isn’t actually healing. We are biding time, and that’s really hard some days.

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The Whole 3o

The last two months have been total and complete bitches (pardon my french, but it is accurate),  and my eating (and life in general) habits have not been great. After a wonderful friend lost a close family member recently (I told you these months have been horrible) she told me she needed to find ways to grieve healthfully. I totally related to that notion and knew I needed to work on how I had been eating and living. While loosing my cat is nothing compared to the grief some of my loved ones are experiencing, A LOT has been taking an emotional toll on my and it’s been rough.

I decided to try the Whole 3o because I heard amazing things about it and I knew I needed make a real change and now we are here. I haven’t had any sugar since June and its been… interesting. Mostly good, but I’ve been really tired. One my system gets used to not having any sugar hopefully I will have some good energy. For now, if you are interested, you can follow along on my Whole 30 journey on instagram. I’m posting way too many food pictures, hoping it will keep me accountable.

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Reading

Because of everything that has been happening, I have really been craving time in the Bible and with books that point me to Jesus in general. I’m reading Carry on Warrior: The Power of Embracing Your Messy, Beautiful Life by Glennon Doyle Melton (her blog, Momastery, is amazing). I’m also waiting with baited breath for my signed copy of Anchored: Finding Hope in the Unexpected by one of my top five ever bloggers Kayla Aimee.  I’m very excited for both and know how much my heart needs words right now.

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Anyway Internet, that’s what Life has been like recently. How have you been? I’ve missed this place.


When Life Isn’t What it Should Be | A Love Letter to My Cat

Hey Internet. I just wanted to stop in and give you a bit of a life update. Remember last week when I said the last month and a half had been an asshole? Well I stand by that.

If you’ve been around here or any sort of time, you know that I LOVE my cat Binx. Like it goes beyond crazy cat lady. Binx is my cat soul mate. We have matching neurosis and I love that fat fat cat.
  
Binx is special. 

Well, after being out of town for a week I noticed Binx was decidedly less fat. We thought maybe her was just stressed because I was out of town, but I took him to the vet just to be safe. 

It was just supposed to be stress. 

  
It was not supposed to be cancer. 

But it was. 

It was lymphoma, and suddenly I am having to imagine a life without my soul-cat. I have an appointment with a feline oncologist on Monday, but based on my google searches I’m already pretty sure I know what he is going to say. That there is no cure. That treatment may add about a year on to his life. That I most certainly cannot afford treatment. I’m hoping that I’m wrong, but I don’t have a good feeling about it. 

  
I was supposed to have more time. 

Binx is only three. We were supposed to have a good fifteen years left. When I adopted him as a tiny kitten, people asked me if I was prepared to have this cat into my thirties. I was. But I won’t get to. 

  
I’m devastated, and I keep clinging to these sentences like the a strange mantra. 

Binx is special. 

It wasn’t supposed to be cancer. 

We were supposed to have more time. 

  

But none of those matter, because none of them can change the facts. 

Binx is special, but he is not immortal. 

It wasn’t supposed to be cancer, but it was. 

We were supposed to have more time, but we don’t. 

  
I know God has a plan in all of this, but I don’t know what it is. But for right now I need to soak up my time with my fur baby, and soak up my time with my mom – who is here for two and a half weeks. 

I have a few posts scheduled for the next few weeks, but I may be slightly absent from social media while I gather my thoughts and spend time with my mom and my fur baby.

If you are so inclined, sending up a kitty prayer would be very appreciated. 

  

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Category: Cats