Shhhhhh! Marcie is taking practice LSAT!
And I am drinking a screwdriver because I am the BEST proctor!!
So it turns out I missed writing a blog amidst all the festivities last week, so I thought I would just pretend that I didn’t totally drop the ball and write the post I was planning on writing last week. Deal with it.
So last week was Black Friday, which I both love and hate. I love it because of DEALS, but I hate the stress involved. In my opinion, a proper Black Friday takes weeks of preparation. There are deals to finds, route maps to be made, lines to stand in. It is just so over whelming. Every year I think “This year I will Black Friday for reals!” But, never fail, as Black Friday approaches I start feeling anxious about it all and just shut down. I give up before I even start, and then I wind up at Target and Kohl’s on Thanksgiving night with no plan of attack, just hoping I will find something that catches my fancy (LIKE UNICORN CORKSCREW!)
It’s a shame really, because Black Friday shopping is in my genes. I remember watching my mom, aunt and grandma scouring the papers on Thanksgiving night and then leaving before dawn the next day, not returning until after dark – the car so full of presents that it took countless trips to get it all in the house. Meanwhile, my grandpa and I would have slept in and then taken in a movie. Black Friday is how I got to see the Rugrats Movie in theaters. True Story.
But things were different back then. Stores would open at 4 or 5 in the morning. There was none of this “doors open at 8pm!” nonsense that they have now. Amazon.com was just a glimmer in Al Gore’s eye… (Ok, the internet already technically existed, but it was nothing like the shopping Mecca it is today.) There was less information to take in, and less variety to choose from. You actually had to go to the store to get a good deal on a television – shipping costs weren’t part of the equation at all!
Now with the Thanksgiving opening times and the Small Business Saturday and the Cyber Monday and the hundreds and hundreds of coupons sent to my inbox, it’s all just too much to take in. I have no idea where to start, so I just don’t.
There is also a distinct possibility that I am much lazier then the older generations of my family. Very. Distinct. Possibility.
But I think there is one more reason I am adverse to doing Black Friday properly. Another cause of my anxiety, stemming from my first real Black Friday experience.
Let me take you back….
The year: 2008. I am home for my first Thanksgiving break as a college student.
The time: 4:07 am, Black Friday.
My cell phone rings.
Me: “Hello…? What is happening?… What time is it?”
Marcie: “Hi. I need you to bring me my keys.”
Marcie: “My keys. I need you to bring them to me. I’m at Best Buy and…” This is where it gets fuzzy. I don’t quite remember why she needed me to go to her house and pick up her keys from her mom. Something about locking them in her car or loosing them or maybe Sasquatch took them… I really have no idea, but the gist of it was that I had to get out of my nice warm bed, put on some boots and a coat, drive to Marcie’s house, get her keys from her mom, drive BACK PAST MY HOUSE WITH MY BED IN IT and take them to her at Best Buy. I would call her when I got there and she would meet me out front. This part I remember clearly. “I will meet you out front. You won’t even have to get out of your car.”
It is a testament to how GOOD OF A FRIEND I AM MARCIE!!! that I did not just hang up the phone and go back to sleep. Instead I dragged my self out of bed, put my hair in a sloppy bun, put on my socks and boots and a coat and went out into the cold dark night.
Notice how I did not say that I put on pants. No, I just left my purple long-underwear-style penguin pajamas on because I had no intention of getting out of my car. This is called foreshadowing, Internet. Get ready, because it is about to get good.
I made it to Marcie’s house and to Best Buy without incident (a real miracle from Jesus, because I do not remember any part of that 20 minutes in the car. I parked at Best Buy at 4:32 am and called Marcie.
Marcie: “I’m in line you will have to come in.”
I looked down. I saw 50 tiny penguins that say otherwise. I am not above sweatpants in public, but this was hands down not going to happen.
Me: “I will wait in the car. I will be napping.”
Marcie: “Liz! Just come in!!!”
Marcie: “I am in line buying that webcam you asked me to get for your mom. The least you can do is come in and give me my keys!”
And that’s where she had me. I had asked her to find a webcam for my mom since she was a Black Friday pro and was already planning on waiting in line at Best Buy for some crazy deal or another. I owed her. I had to go in.
I screwed up my courage and took a deep breath.
“I’ll be in in a second.”
Saying that I got a lot of strange looks while walking into Best Buy would be an understatement. People full-on started at me. According to high schoolers all over the country, wearing pjs in public is the new fashion sensation sweeping the nation. But apparently nobody told the good ole’ patrons of Best Buy that, because they were full-on mocking me. Even the employee passing out candy canes IN AN ELF HAT got in on the action.
“Decided to wear your pajamas to Black Friday huh?”
“I…wasn’t supposed to be here….” I could still barely form cohesive sentences. I just needed to find Marcie and give her her keys and go back to bed.
Luckily, she was already 3/4’s of the way through the line when I found her. (No small feat since the line wound through the entire store. It was basically an electronics version of the Labyrinth). Unluckily, as soon as I saw her she handed me my webcam and a copy of the Sound of Music that SHE was buying for HER mom and said “Thanks. Can you get these? I need to go to Target.”
I stammered something like “What? Bed! No. Why? I was supposed to be in the car!”
All she said was “I have to go get something at Target before they sell out! And your little dog too!” and then she was gone. Vanished into a puff of smoke!… I may be accidentally inserting certain plot points from the Wizard of Oz here, because my memory is still pretty fuzzy at this point, but I’m pretty sure this is what happened: I met a few friendly people in line who had nothing but kind, if not completely pity-ing looks for the girl who clearly had no idea she was going to be subjected to this Black Friday craziness less than an hour ago when she was sleeping soundly in her bed.
We followed the winding yellow brick line to the sapphire city of cash registers (See what I did there? Because Best Buy is blue?). I got a candy cane from an elf. At some point somebody may have started singing about needing to get something from the wizard. For all I know that somebody could have been me. All I know is I some how made it back home (AN HOUR LATER) and back to bed where I could pretend that the scary Black Friday tornado was just a dream and I would wake up back in Kansas, where it wasn’t as colorful but at least there aren’t people smirking at your penguin pants when you were SUPPOSED TO BE IN BED AND THEY WERE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE FOR SLEEPING AND YOU NEVER PLANNED ON GOING OUT IN PUBLIC IN THEM AND IT WASN’T YOUR FAULT!!
And I never went Black Friday shopping again…. Except I did…. But never at 4:00 am again, so I think that statement still stands….
Anyway, do you have any Black Friday Horror Stories internet? I want to know!!!