I Really Hope My Dentist Doesn’t Think I’m a Meth Addict.

OK Internet, I promised an update on the horribleness that is my teeth, but this week has been so busy that I haven’t had the time.
Why was it busy you ask?
Because of my new dentist-prescribed tooth care regimen that basically means I have no time for anything other than my teeth.
But, let me take you back to a simpler time – a time when I did not spend all of my life in front of the bathroom mirror…
It all started last Saturday, with a box appeared at my door.
“Oh boy! My books from Amazon!” I thought. “Wait… that’s not an amazon box… Who is it…oh… it’s my mouthwash…”
You see, internet, when  was talking to the dentist about why in the heckfire my teeth are s bad, I mentioned that my mouth is pretty dry, and they told me that there was a prescription strength  mouthwash that they could get sent to my house and that I should use that.
So I open the box, expecting to see a bottle of mouth wash, and am met with this:

Yes. This mouthwash comes in little packets that I have to dissolve in water in order to use.
So I start reading the instructions and find out that I dissolve one packet of mouthwash in 2 tbsps of water, mix it up and then rinse for one minute, spit and then do the whole thing over again with the second half.  Then I see this:
That’s right. I may have to do this up to 10 times a day. Spoiler alert: I’m not doing this 10 times a day.
Anyhoo, this is on top of the required 2 minutes of toothbrushing, big girl flossing (I call it this because I have been told those cool flossing tools don’t work and I shouldn’t use them) and another paste that I have to put on my teeth for 3 minutes before bed.
Currently my before bed teeth routine looks something like this:
And it is taking up my life.
If I hurry it takes me exactly 11 minutes and 30.7 seconds from putting toothpaste on my toothbrush to my final spit.
I know this because I timed it:
Anyway. That is what is happening. I currently need between 5 and 6 thousand dollars worth of dental work because My. Life . Is. Awesome.
The good news is that of that I only have 2 deep cavities. The rest is made up of 5 crowns that I need put in. A few of those may be able to hold off until I have more insurance…. Did I say good news? I think my life my have become pathetic…
Anyway, the other day at work a coworker of mine mentioned a picture they had seen on facebook of someone before and after a meth addiction totally ruined them. Someone mentioned that meth addicts have horrible teeth, and I got legitly scared that my dentist would start slipping anti-meth pamphlets into my purse. I don’t want my dentist to think I’m a meth addict guys! But what else is he going to think if my mouth continues to insist on falling apart?
Anybody have a good and plausible excuse I can give to my dentist because I  think the “I really don’t know why my teeth are s bad” excuse (that is the TRUTH!) is cutting it.

I have a few more fun/awful stories from this week, but those will have to wait until next time.
On the bright side, my mom got home today and brought me some owl presents! She is awesome!
For some reason I CANNOT get this to rotate… But Look! Owl Coin Purse, Owl Lip Gloss and OWL CONTACT CASE!!

2 Responses to I Really Hope My Dentist Doesn’t Think I’m a Meth Addict.

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