So the other night Adorabeezle and I were in my room and looking a the progress I had made towards making it pretty, and she said the most ludicrous thing she has ever said to me.
“Look at this room. It looks so good. Its so cohesive – you can tell the kind of person who lives here. You have your life so together.”
It was such an outrageous statement I almost laughed in her face, except it was closely followed by “I’m not crying. You are crying.” (Adorabeezle is a tired crier). And I didn’t want to laugh at her in that moment.
But the simple notion that I may have my life together? That was craziness talking. I had to remind her that I had canceled a therapy session that afternoon because I needed to have a day where I didn’t leave the apartment. (Yeah. I know that doesn’t sound like the best choice, but it was the right choice for me that day, and Adorabeezle agreed).
But it made me think – how many times a day do I look at a blog or an Instagram post and think “Man. They have got it all worked out”? How often do I see someone in full makeup in a theme park and think “They are so put together and I am a sweaty mess”? How often do I compare myself to people I don’t even know and assume their life is totally together?
Way too much is the answer to all three of those questions.
Most days, for the past few months at least, it has been easy to look around and think “gosh my life is in shambles right now,” so how could someone who has seen me go through that ever think that I have it together because my room looks nice(ish)?
But maybe that is because the perception of togetherness is just a total lie. I don’t have it anymore together than a girl who does her makeup flawlessly everyday but then goes to a job she hates. I don’t have it anymore together than a blogger who is very good at managing her internet presence, but has family troubles she doesn’t let on about.
I don’t know what is happening in the lives of most of the people whom I blogstalk. I don’t know the girls I see in theme parks who are dressed to the nines (WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?! They make us all look like the hot sweaty messes we are inside). I assume that they have it all together because of a few instagram posts or a banging outfit, but what do those things actually say about the state of their lives? Nothing.
I think we need to stop assuming that people have life so much more figured out than we do. Life is messy. Yes, some messes are bigger than others, but just because we don’t see the mess doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Everyone is trying to figure out this life thing and I am not sure that ever stops.
My life is a mess. My apartment is going to be totally bangin when it is done, but all the other stuff? Craziness. And the truth is – when I’m not comparing myself to strangers – I kind of like the mess. I like that I am on this crazy adventure of getting my masters in Florida. I like that I don’t know what the future holds. I mean, it completely terrifies me, but I still like it. And yes, there are for sure some things I would change. There are things I am working on. There are things I am sad about. These past few months have beaten me up a bit, but I am excited to keep moving forward, mess and all.
So, Internet, I guess I just wanted to stop by and remind you that you are okay. And if you feel like you completely do not have your ish together, well, you are definitely not alone.