Today I was going to put down my wonderful cat Binx. I was going to take him to the vet and hold him and cry while he passed quietly. But my baby cat has never been one to do things by the book and that’s not what happened.
I should have gone yesterday. I could tell that he was ready, but I put it off so Adorabeezle could come with me. I knew I needed someone with me, but I wish I had been stronger. This morning I woke up to the most horrible noise I’ve ever heard. It was a struggle for him, and I began praying fervently that the Lord would just take him. About half an hour later he died in my arms. He did no go peacefully, and I did it alone.
It was awful. Yet I am relieved. I’m relieved he is no longer suffering. I’m relieved that he won’t need to take any more pills that he hates. I’m relieved that he doesn’t have to fight for his life anymore.
Right under that relief, I am devastated and the tears will come. But if nothing else, throughout his entire life, this cat has taught me that I am strong. That I can face what I don’t think I can handle. That I can do things I never thought I could. Binx saw me through a lot in a few short years and I will miss him terribly. It was a honor to call myself his mama, and I will always love him.
I apologize for my continued absence. I will be mourning and moving over the next few days. I will be back, Internet, but until then please remember my baby.