Hey Internet! So today is Tuesday, and I am really going to try to get on a Tuesday/Thursday/Maybe a day on the weekends blog schedule now that summer is here (straight A’s bitches!!!) and I only have work/blogging/moving to worry about and even though I’m posting this late in the day, I’m still posting it on a Tuesday so I count this as a win!!
Today I’m going t tell you a real gem of a story, as I’m sure you could tell by the title of this post.
So, one upon a time (lets call it within the last 6 months), I was at home for a few days. I invited some friends over for some dinner and snuggles (So. Many. Snuggles). And because I am THE BEST daughter (note: by THE BEST, I mean I always ask my mom if I can invite people over at the last minute, and then I feel guilty) I tried to make my mom’s place suppa nice, which involved lighting some Bath and Body Works candles, because that is what you do when you own two cats and two dogs – lots of B&BWs scented candles…
Anyway, Old Roommate showed up early (a sure sign of the apocalypse) and we got to talking on the couch. My mom’s cat Linus jumped onto the table and started asking Old Roommate for some pets, at which point he stuck his tail over one of the lit candles and FREAKING SET HIMSELF ON FIRE!!!! His tail was in flames guys, I cannot emphasize that point enough. The. Cat. Was. On. Fire.
This is the point I started screaming “Linus! Linus!” and somehow (I honestly have yet to figure this part out) put out the fire by frantically waving my hands at it. The cat, by the way, did not even freakin’ notice that he had been on fire! He just seemed confused as to why I kept screaming.
Now that the cat was no longer in clear and present danger, it was time for me to FREAK THE HECK OUT.
“LINUS WAS ON FIRE! HE WAS ON FIRE! THE CAT WAS ON FIRE!!!” (In the style of “Violet! You’re turning violet Violet!”)
All the yelling got my mom’s attention and she came into the room and tried to asses the damage. The cat was obviously slightly scorched because the smell of burning hair was filling the living room (Not quite the smell I was going for cat!!) but he was not phased in the least and was not interested in being examined.
After my heart stopped pounding the night proceeded as normal (except for old roommate announcing “You missed it! The cat was on fire!” to every person who walked in the door), but freaking THE CAT HAD BEEN ON FIRE, GUYS!!!
Make me feel better, Internet, have you ever set a pet on fire?