Hey Internet! I’m back! Well… Not really.. I am on vaca, but I have one more set of re-posts to share with you. Last year I kind of live-blogged my vacation. Because I had a phone and I am nuts. Today I am bringing you the first half and tomorrow I will be here with the second.. Enjoy! (ps. I am leaving in at least a few typos… for authenticity…. yes… that is why..)
So today my mom and I TOTALLY BEASTED IT OUT in Disney. And by beasted it out I mean we got there at 8 am, right when it opened and did all of the following things before our 6:00 dinner:
Journey of the Little Mermaid
The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
Pirates of the Caribbean
Big Thunder Mountain Railroad
Carousel of Progress
Tomorrowland Transit Authority
Lunch in the Beast’s Castle
Monsters Inc. Laugh Floor
Got Starbucks (THE MAGIC KINGDOM HAS A STARBUCKS NOW!!!!)
Watched the 3 o’clock parade
The Country Bear Jamboree
The Enchanted Tiki Room
The Hall of Presidents
Some light shopping and
The Castle Show
So yeah, we were kind of AWESOME!
Anyway after we ate we settled in to holding our seats for the 4th of July fireworks (yes. I know it’s the 3rd. They do them all week.
So we sit on the ground and it starts drizzling and we mention to the woman sitting next to us that we didn’t bring ponchos cuz they are such a pain and its easier to just get wet.
Then it starts POURING and I start screaming “THIS ISN’T EASIER! THIS ISN’T EASIER”
And my mom is all “GO BUY US PONCHOS NOW!!!!”
So I do.
And that is when I became a crazy poncho lady.
Except to buy the poncho I had to run down Mainstreet USA and I got totally soaked anyway. I was wearing a maxi skirt (floor length for you non-existent men reading this) and it was super soaked and heavy and awful.
So when I got back to our fireworks spot I thought “I am wearing leggings under this horribly wet skirt…
And that’s when I became a crazy poncho lady wearing leggings as pants.
And then we watched the fireworks and they were AMAZING and we leave the park and skip the parade because we are SO SOAKING WET still.
We get on the bus back to our resort and my mom asks if I had heard from my friend/cat sitter Marcie. I hadn’t so I call her. This is how the conversation starts:
Me: Are my cats dead?
Then I hear someone kind of laugh.
And that is when I realized that I had become the crazy poncho lady wearing leggings as pants. On a bus. Talking about possibly dead cats.
That is also when I realized that there is no such thing ad dignity when visiting a theme park. Because you can totally have the best, most beastly theme park day ever, but that won’t stop you from making a fool of yourself on a bus.
And that is basically how life works.
And, also my cats are not dead. Thanks for asking.
Also I spent 14 hours in a theme park today after only getting 3 hours of sleep last night and I typed this on my phone, so there are probably a million typos all up in this post. Sorry about that. I’d proof read but I am too tired to care right now.
DISCLAIMER: I claim that a friend of mine coined a certain hilarious term in this blog. She says she didn’t. And while I TOTALLY remember this happening, I’d just like to say that my memories are subject to being memories and other people may remember things differently. But I am totally right in this case.
Ok, buckle up people because it is about to get way too real. If you do not like impolite conversation, I would suggest leaving this post and reading something less over-share-y. Like the post about that time my cousin peed on me.
As you may know, I am in Disney. And I am going to tell you my biggest beef with the Disney Corporation. That’s right. I am totally getting blacklisted after this. They will never hire me again. Are you ready? Here we go.
If I could change one thing about Disney World, it wouldn’t be the crowds or the lines or anything like that. I can deal with those things. No, if I could change one thing about the parks it would be the toilet paper.
I am 100% serious about this.
Here is the thing — the parks use 1-ply tp. That may be ok if it wasn’t for the fact that this particular type of 1-ply is closer to a very very thin layer of sand paper than it is to what I would consider “proper bathroom tissue.”
Now, I’m not going to get all graphic about it, but I am going to tell you that my tushie is a little high maintenance. Just a little. Nothing huge.
My roommate in college and I used to get into fights when it was her time to buy the toilet paper because she would always get the cheapest stuff (what she had deemed “single mom toilet paper.” It’s ok because she was raised by a single mom and also because that is what her mom bought) Anyhoo, before we even moved in I told her that single mom tp was not allowed. I just couldn’t do it.
The thing is, I don’t want anything near my lady bits that isn’t comfy. I don’t want to be pseudo-sand papering down there. It just isn’t pleasant.
And I know that some people could really care less about this issue. Incidentally, I’m pretty sure that most, if not all, of those people were the kind that went camping a lot growing up. And I have nothing against camping, but I’ve only been camping once and no part of my body — my tushie least of all — is very experienced at roughing it. If you can totally use any toilet paper without thinking twice, congratulate yourself on being more rough and tumble than me.
BUT I’m sure MOST guests would agree that the toilet paper situation is something that could be drastically improved.
So this is my call to action Disney. I love your parks more than I can express here, but your sand — I mean toilet — paper has got to go!
Please don’t blacklist me.
Make sure to come back tomorrow internet If you want to see what happens. Or… you know, you could just look at my posts from last July because that is how re-posting works.