TLC is Ruining My Life

Hey Internet!

So I realized that lately I have been trying really hard to make it seem like  I have my stuff together on this here blog. If you know me personally or have been here for any amount of time, you will know that that is 100% not the case. But since I am enjoying these link-up-idoos, there are some new people here every so often (but there is always room for more! Tell your friends!) and I don’t want the new people to get the wrong impression. Now, have I gotten my stuff together a bit better than when I first started blogging?- yes. Progress is awesome. Am I still a self-proclaimed hot mess? Absolutely. And I probably will be for a long long time.

So today I wanted to cast off all those efforts to make my life seem like a pretty dream land and talk to you about a real actual problem I have, and have had for almost 2 years now.

TLC is ruining my life.

Not the (TOTALLY AWESOME) TV nework that brought us the wonders of “My Strange Addiction” and “Extreme Couponing” (although I suppose an argument could be made that TLC the TV network has wasted A LOT of my time, and that is not necessarily good either.)

No. TLC the AWESOME 90’s girl band is ruining my life and here is why:

Scrubs.

No Scrubs

Now if you are familiar with this band’s SUPER MEGA AWESOME hit “No Scrubs” (and you SHOULD BE. It’s the BEST), you know that the whole premise of the song is to list the attributes of what makes a person a “scrub” and how “scrubs” should be avoided at all costs. The chorus goes:

“I don’t want no scrub
A scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me
Hanging out the passenger side
Of his best friend’s ride
Trying to holler at me
I don’t want no scrub
A scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me
Hanging out the passenger side
Of his best friend’s ride
Trying to holler at me”

Lyric. Genius.

But just in case you needed help defining what a scrub is, they have got you covered:

“If you don’t have a car and you’re walking
Oh yes son I’m talking to you
If you live at home wit’ your momma
Oh yes son I’m talking to you (baby)
If you have a shorty but you don’t show love
Oh yes son I’m talking to you
Wanna get with me with no money
Oh no I don’t want no (oh)”

And they Make it very clear how scrubs should be handled:

“I don’t want your number (no)
I don’t want to give you mine and (no)
I don’t want to meet you nowhere (no)
I don’t want none of your time (no)”

So why is AMAZING song ruining my life? Well, it’s simple, Internet. You see, when I graduated from college I moved back home with my mom and have spent the past two years being various levels of dirt-poor (or as my friend more accurately pointed out – middle-class broke). Shall we look at the qualifications of scrub-ti-tude again, this time with my life in mind?

“If you don’t have a car and you’re walking” – Ok. This is a good sign! Because I have a car! A car I totally couldn’t afford to fix on my own last week… So… That is maybe less a good sign and more proof that I am very very lucky…

“If you live at home wit’ your momma” Less of a good sign – I 100% do live at home with my momma.

“If you have a shorty but you don’t show love” – Well this one certainly does not apply to me! I have no one that even resembles a shorty, so I am definitely not withholding love from them! I mean groupon couldn’t even find me a date! So… wait… again this went from being a good thing to being slightly depressing…

“Wanna get with me with no money” Well, if I am going to get with anybody, it certainly is going to be with no money, so….

See the problem? This AWESOME AMAZING song hits just a little too close to home at the moment, Internet.

And to make matters worse THE WHOLE PREMISE OF THE SONG IS THAT SCRUBS ARE UNDESERVING OF LOVE. And I again reach the conclusion that I will die alone.

Now, when I first expressed this thought to the bestie, she made a valiant attempt to cheer me up – pointing out that this song is about looser GUYS living with their moms and a girl living with her mom is totally different and perfectly socially acceptable. Which is totally true! And yet… The song still hurts a bit…

Mostly, because it makes me think that I need to explain to people “Yeah, I live with my mom and I am kind of poor – BUT I’M STILL TOTALLY INTERESTING AND COOL AND YOU SHOULD TOTALLY LIKE ME!!” And I wonder why I can’t make friends….

But the bestie is right – I’m fine. There isn’t anything wrong with my current position on what I am calling “TLC Scale of Scrub Shaming.” I’m lucky to be living with my mom. I’m saving money because of it. ANDPLUSALSO – You know all that laundry that you have to do, Internet? My mom totally does mine for me! Because She. Is. Awesome. And this life is what my early twenties are for – and I should be enjoying it. It will end sooner than I think and then I will have to do grown up things like pay rent and buy furniture and being in charge of making sure I am not living in filth. So I’m not going to let TLC define my outlook on life anymore, because as another AWESOME 90’s girl group taught me: “And haters, they gonna hate.”

So, what do you think Internet? Has a song ever given you the “WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?!” Blues? It’s ok. It happens to the best of us.

Love, Liz




5 Responses to TLC is Ruining My Life

  1. Nina says:

    A scrub is a guy who thinks he’s fly/also known as a bustah/always talkin’ bout what he wants/then sits on his broke …, that was from memory. You’re welcome. The song is about a guy who is trying to make it seem like he is more than he is so he can take advantage of a girl. Sounds like from this post this is less a TLC problem and more a Liz trying to be comfortable where she’s at in life problem. (With definite perks) lol maybe I am wrong but girl I’m not judging. I’m a hot mess all the time and my laundry is never done like ever. Because I never have enough quarters and the basement is scary. There are some blogs I love to read like I love to watch Barefoot Contessa on the good network. Like love watching but my life will never be like yours. I know this. But most blogs? They are hot messes just like us and I appreciate them. Some of them is like watching Breaking Bad and I feel better about what I am doing with my life. JK jk jk. Not true. But just know that there are varying levels if transparency in the blog world and that you ain’t no scrub.

    • Liz says:

      Lol truth. It’s not TLC’s fault. But it is more fun to blame them… Or just easier… Either way. I super love how you have the song memorized, because however many times I have said “BUT I LIVE WITH MY MOMMA,” it’s still one of my all-time favorites.

  2. Alex says:

    My strange addiction is severely…addicting! Those people make me feel so much better about myself because people have some seriously weird quirks… did you see the one where the lady at baby diapers (ugh).
    -Alex
    http://www.monstermisa.blogspot.com/

  3. Pingback: Five on Friday | Battling the Blahs

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