This week my cup of tea had honey, lemon and brandy in it because I was SICK. As promised I am here with my bonus EIGHTH rule of sickness! Really it’s just a rule of life, but it really pays off when you are sick. And that rule is: The internet can answer all of your questions.
Seriously. Especially when you are sick. Sometimes you have questions. Questions like “Will this expired vapo-rub kill me?” And all you have to do is post a picture on Facebook and wait for a few moments and Facebook and Instagram will be right there to tell you “Calm down, Liz. It’s fine. Use the expired vapo-rub.” And then you can put on the vapo-rub and go to bed assured that the expired fumes will not strangle you in your sleep.
Or, say you recently got your nosed pierced and you are super excited and think it is really cute, but then you catch the death and you are blowing your nose constantly and the guy who pierced your nose was all “Don’t touch it. Don’t move it. It will wreck the piercing.” And then you are worried, because you didn’t even know you COULD wreck a piercing and then you keep accidentally touching it as you blow your nose and there is so much mucus and you become completely convinced that that your nose is going to get infected and fall off and then you will need to get a metal nose because your real nose is gone and then people will think that you have the syphilis because why else would you have a metal nose? And of course nobody would believe that you lost your nose in a tragic cold-piercing accident and so then no one would ever want to date you again, because why date the syphilis girl with no nose so then you would be forced to live out your days alone in your apartment with your eight cats until one day you die and no one finds your body until it is half eaten, but you can’t blame your cats because they were just hungry and no one was there to feed them anymore and really isn’t that the last (and greatest) gift you can give to the only beings who stood by your side after everybody else abandoned you because you got caught in a loop of “I DON’T HAVE SYPHILIS” and everybody was like “Ok Crazy…” and then you realized that “OMG I just spent 20 minutes thinking about being eaten by my own cats and I HAVE TO SAVE MY NOSE.”
But never you fear. Because just as you are about to spiral into a NON-syphilis-loop the internet comes to your aid and says “Calm down Liz. Your nose isn’t going to fall off. Just keep it clean.” And then you can relax until the next time that you accidentally touch your nose, at which point you will scream “I’M RUINING THE PIERCING! WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!?” But don’t worry, Internet. It will be ok.
Because you have a network of people who are there to answer life’s tough questions… A network of people with whom you just spent 20 minutes talking about getting eaten by your cats… Oh boy… They are going to ask me to stop linking up to these things…
Stop on by tomorrow when I will have something important to share with you!