This blog post is brought to you by my womanhood. If you are squeamish about such things, you may want to not read it. You’ve been warned men of the world. You have been warned.
Anyway, after reading some Five Things Friday posts my friend came up with Sad Things Saturday, where she wrote about things in her life that were just too pathetic not to write about. I kind of loved the idea, so I stole it. In order to make my Sad Things Saturday post even sadder, I wrote it on a Saturday but am posting it on a Sunday. So away we go:
Sad Things Saturday – The Womanhood Edition
1) I got a facial today and my first thought after getting out of bed today was “SWEET! I don’t have to put any effort into my appearance today!! No Make up! No contacts, because I don’t want them to MELT TO MY EYEBALLS! So NO EFFORT AT ALL! YAY!!” This is sad because of how wonderfully happy it made me.
2) I went to the dentist today. If that is not sad enough on its own, it marks the second time in as many months I have gotten really bad cramps while in the dentist’s chair. Which means it was the second time in 4 weeks I was laying in a dentist’s chair shouting “Really universe? Really uterus? REALLY UTERVERSE?!?!”… But only in my head because I like this dentist and don’t want to scare him.
3) While sitting in the dentist’s chair I was thinking about how women with babies often tell women without babies that going into labor is just like getting the worst menstrual cramps of your life. Usually when I hear that I think “Well I can handle that. I have an extremely high pain tolerance! My dentist told me so!” However, when I just have regular-old menstrual cramps and am thinking to myself “I am literally dying right now. This is it. My life is over. It has been good, but now it’s time for me to go home to Jesus.” That’s around the time I think that maybe I should never have children.
4) Speaking of having children, let me share a story with you Internet:
One time in high school I made an off handed comment about how I will probably be the worst pregnant woman in the world because the hormones – they mess me up. To which Old Roommate’s boyfriend at the time said “Liz, remind me to NEVER get you pregnant.” At first everyone was just really quiet and awkward – because WHY did he need reminding?! But then I found out that a number of my friends are planning to LEAVE THE COUNTRY when I start procreating. So basically my friends – the people who are supposed to be sticking with me through thick and thin – these same people plan on abandoning me IN MY TIME OF NEED. To be fair, it isn’t all of my friends. But there is a fair number of them.
Little do these particular friends know, the hormones- they make me feisty – so if they try to run away I will track them down in a hormone-fed rage! And then they will be wishing they were just getting a ton of texts from me about how much I want chocolate and how mucus plugs are a thing. So take that friends! You know who you are!
Yeah… This one was sad on so many levels it should probably count as 8 so…
11) Today I took my Advil out of my purse and gave it to my mom saying something like “I’m not in any pain you take the pain killers. Ok. Well I am leaving for the whole day. I will see you tonight.” I now regret that decision very much.
12) As the dentist attempted to put a temporary crown on I realized that in the past month I have completely forgotten how to bite like a normal person. He would be like “ok bite down” and my jaw would be like “how we what do up down side to side?” I know this probably doesn’t make sense to you people with perfect teeth, but it is totally possible to forget how to bite correctly and when you do life becomes very confusing.
So that’s my Sad Thing Saturday guys. What do you think? Should this series continue?
P.s. Sorry for using the word womanhood more than once…