In My Defense, It Was Talk Like a Pirate Day

Hey Internet! How are you?
It’s been a bit of a rough week over here because on Monday we lost our favorite dog. (Yes. I play favorites. I’m gonna be a GREAT parent.)
I’ve decided not to write about it at the moment, because I have been doing a good job of ignoring it. Not totally healthy, but what can you do.
So that was really sad, but I am here today with yet another story of me making a fool of myself:
A few weeks ago I realized that I hadn’t switched my contacts out in way too long so I opened a new pair, put them in and went about my day.
The next day I put my right contact in, looked down and saw a contact in the right side of my contact case.
“Hmm..” I thought. “Did I put my left contact in my right eye?” I opened the left side of my contact case and there, staring at me, was a contact… No… Wait… It was two contacts…
The day before I had opened new contacts and then failed to throw the old contacts away. I now had 4 contacts and no idea which two went in my eyes and which two went in the garbage.
So I did what any logical person would do: I guessed at random and kept all 4.
For the first few days they seemed fine, but then they started to seem a bit dry. So I switched them out for the other two. Yesterday I wore the second pair and everything was fine.
Today I wore the second pair again, and everything was not…
All morning my right eye felt super dry and painful. I borrowed contact solution and bought some visine on my lunch break, but by 1:45 it was clear – the contact had to come out.
There were a few problems with this:
1) I am super blind. If I took out both contacts I would not be able to see anything, do any work, or get myself home.
2) I am super blind. If I wore one contact and not the other I wouldn’t be able to focus my eyes or see anything.
3) I get headaches if I do what I call “prolonged winking.”  I can’t keep one eye closed and one eye open for a super long time without my head exploding.
So as far as I could tell, I only had one option: eye patch.
With an eye patch I could leave both eyes open and my non-contact eye could be covered and therefore wouldn’t be trying to focus on anything, leaving my contacted eye to see.
The only problem was that I did not have an eye patch. I had looked for one at Target on my lunch break (true story) but they didn’t have anything (thanks for nothing Target!… I’m sorry… I love you Target… Don’t be mad at me!)
But, because I am a hoarder, I did have a few things in my office. In particular I had: a pair of 3D glasses from when I saw the Great Gatsby for free, some post-it’s, some tape, and some of my business cards. (Ok, the 3D glasses were because I am a hoarder, the rest was because I work in an office)
Anyway,  with these supplies, I was able to fashion a  super awesome pair of eye patch glasses:
Yup… They’re pretty sweet. 
Which I proceeded to wear them for the rest of the day.
Trust me when I say that there were a LOT of pirate jokes.
Not that they weren’t encouraged… I made myself a bird for my shoulder.
This is my “Arrggg!!” face.
And then of course, I had to drive home. That was fun.
On the bright side, today was International Talk Like a Pirate Day, so I think I was just full of spirit! Right? Right? Somebody? Anybody?

Anyway, that was my Thursday. How was your Thursday Internet?



One Response to In My Defense, It Was Talk Like a Pirate Day

  1. Pingback: A Tour: This is where I Whistle Where I Work.

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