The Amazing Benefits of the College Health Care System

Hey Internet!
How are you doing?
It is Friday! A real Friday! The Friday that ends my 11 day week and I am SO FRACKIN’ PUMPED FOR THE WEEKEND!
I’ve been so super busy, Internet, I can’t even tell you. Like you know when you have around 8709780 things to do and then you come home and start reorganizing your kitchen because it is driving you crazy and you work on it for a few hours and then you stop because you have work in the morning and then you realize that you have 8709781 things to do now?
Yeah. That’s my life. Literally. That is what I did last night.
Who’s dumb? Oh that’s right. Me. I’m dumb.
The good thing is that all the 8709781 things I’m doing are fun things that I like. The bad thing is that I don’t remember what sleep feels like. But sleep is overrated right? Of course right.
Anyway, all of my busyness won’t make for a great blog post at the moment, so I wanted to tell you a story about college that I have been telling a lot recently. I’m thinking of doing a couple of different posts about college seeing as my cousin went off to school and I am super jealous of her and all. So buckle up, Internet. I am taking you on a journey:
*Cue the flashback/dream sequence mist*
Once upon a time my roommates and I realized that we were out of toilet paper and that we needed to go to Walmart. (This happened more than I care to admit. In my mind, college represents a solid 4 year period when I never truly knew if I would have toilet paper on my next trip to the a bathroom. (Ok, 2 years. I spent 2 years in the dorms and they always had toilet paper. (Also – why do I talk about toiletpaper so much on this blog? My story has literally nothing to do with toilet paper…)))* So we all piled into my car and started off on our journey.
Our journey turned out to be a short one.
Not half a mile away from our apartment, someone ran a red light  and hit my car and there were airbags and shaking and crying and an old toothless cab driver giving me a hug because I was pretty distraught because MY CAR. It was dead.
And we were still out of toilet paper.
But this isn’t the story I want to tell you today. That was just the back story… I miss that car…
Anyway, we were all a bit bruised, but nothing outwardly broken or shattered. (Also, anyone who thinks airbags kind of seem fun and just want to see what they are like without having to get into a car accident are DUMB…. I may have been dumb guys….) Airbags hurt. A LOT. You wouldn’t think it from the name, but here is a list of things airbags will do to you:
– Cut the living daylights out of your chin. I had to wear a band aid on my chin, and since I was a grown up college student I only had Disney Princess band aids, That was fun.
-Knock all of the wind out of you
– Give you a heart attack because when airbags deploy they smoke and after you have just been in a car accident and your CAR IS SMOKING you have no choice to believe that you are about to die because your car is about to blow up because that is how it works because YOU’VE SEEN THE MOVIES.
Airbags can also bruise the ever loving crap out of your ribs. Ask me how i know this.
A few days after the accident I started having horrible horrible pain EVERYWHERE in my body ANY TIME I moved. Here is how any given conversation with me may have gone the week after the accident:
Friend: Hi Liz how ya doin’?
Liz: Hi! *wince* Oh you know. Hanging in there. I’m ok.
Friend: Lets sit down and talk.
Liz: Ok. *gasps while sitting*
Friend: Are you ok?
Liz*groaning*I’m fine really. I’m just *more gasping and I re-position myself* DYING. I AM DYING.
Clearly I was SUPER fun to hang out with that week.
My parents/friends told me that I needed to go to our schools health center to make sure nothing was broken.
But the great news is that I was in college! Free health care!….Kind of! It wasn’t TECHNICALLY free because it was part of my tuition, and I’m not sure if you could really call it “health CARE” so much as “health waiting for a doctor for hours and hours and then finally seeing someone and have them doing WHATEVER THE OPPOSITE OF CARING IS.”
Here were a couple things the health center had done for me that semester that made me a little less than excited to return:
-I go in with a horrible ear ache, wait for an hour, and they tell me nothing is wrong with my ears or my sinuses but that I need to use a  nose spray.
-I go in AGAIN with a horrible ear ache, wait for an hour and a half, and they AGAIN tell me I am fine and send me away with NOSE SPRAY.
But my pain was really bad so I went in.
Here is how that went:
-I waited for an hour.
-They told me that the air bags had probably just bruised my ribs, but that I should get an x-ray just to be sure.
-I went down and waiting in the x-ray lab for 20 more minutes.
-I got my x-ray.
And then this happened:
I am standing in the x-ray room in a paper shirt. The x-ray tech walks up to me and asks:
“Has anyone ever told you that you have scoliosis?”
Me: “Ummm… No…”
X-ray tech: “Oh.”
And then she WALKED AWAY.  And I am standing there going “Wait! Do I have scoliosis? Is it bad? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!”
Someone else came in and told me I could put real clothes back on and go back up and wait for the doctor to go over the results.
45 minutes later the doctor came in and said that my ribs were just bruised and that I would be fine in a few days.
But I had forgotten about my ribs and was focusing how scoliosis was probably going to kill me very soon, so I told her that the x-ray tech had mentioned scoliosis and asked her if I had it and if I should be concerned. This is what she said:
“Oh, you probably do. Lots of people have it. It’s not a big deal.”
So THE BEST medical opinion she could give me AFTER LOOKING AT MY X-RAYS was that I MAY OR MAY NOT have scoliosis. To this day I STILL DON’T KNOW if I have scoliosis.
BUT I did get some more nose spray. I am not even joking about this people.
So that is my very very long convoluted tale of the great free health care you get in college. Any good college health “care” stories of your own to share internet? I’d love to hear them!

*Parentheses work the same in math and writing right? Multiples are ok as long as a close them all?



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