This Blog is Not What Decent People Would Deem "Polite Conversation"

DISCLAIMER: I claim that a friend of mine coined a certain hilarious term in this blog. She says she didn’t. And while I TOTALLY remember this happening,  I’d just like to say that my memories are subject to being memories and other people may remember things differently. But I am totally right in this case. 
Ok, buckle up people because it is about to get way too real. If you do not like impolite conversation, I would suggest leaving this post and reading something less over-share-y. Like the post about that time my cousin peed on me
As you may know, I am in Disney. And I am going to tell you my biggest beef with the Disney Corporation.  Thats right. I am totally getting blacklisted after this. They will never hire me again. Are you ready? Here we go.
If I could change one thing about Disney World, it wouldn’t be the crowds or the lines or anything like that. I can deal with those things.  No, if I could change one thing about the parks it would be the toilet paper. 
I am 100% serious about this. 
Here is the thing — the parks use 1-ply tp. That may be ok if it wasn’t for the fact that this particular type of 1-ply is closer to a very very thin layer of sand paper than it is to what I would consider “proper bathroom tissue.”
Now, I’m not going to get all graphic about it, but I am going to tell you that my tushie is a little high maintenance.  Just a little. Nothing huge. 
My roommate in college and I used to get into fights when it was her time to buy the toilet paper because she would always get the cheapest stuff (what she had deemed “single mom toilet paper.” It’s ok because she was raised by a single mom and also because that is what her mom bought) Anyhoo, before we even moved in I told her that single mom tp was not allowed. I just couldn’t do it. 
The thing is, I don’t want anything near my lady bits that isn’t comfy. I don’t want to be pseudo-sand papering down there. It just isn’t pleasant. 
And I know that some people could really care less about this issue. Incidentally, I’m pretty sure that most, if not all, of those people were the kind that went camping a lot growing up. And I have nothing against camping, but I’ve only been camping once and no part of my body — my tushie least of all —  is very experienced at roughing it.  If you can totally use any toilet paper without thinking twice, congratulate yourself on being more rough and tumble than me. 
BUT I’m sure MOST guests would agree that the toilet paper situation is something that could be drastically improved. 
So this is my call to action Disney. I love your parks more than I can express here, but your sand — I mean toilet — paper has got to go!
Please don’t blacklist me. 

3 Responses to This Blog is Not What Decent People Would Deem "Polite Conversation"


    • Liz Tippy says:

      Dude. You 100% said that. I did not coin the phrase. You did. You were at my house. You used my bathroom. You said “Your Toilet paper is so soft. We only ever have single mom toilet paper.” And I laughed and laughed and laughed and you promptly forgot how funny it was.

    • I remember that incident. I remember “Your toilet paper is so soft,” People laughed and I said ‘I’m serious!” But I seriously have never even HEARD of “single mom toilet paper” until my freshman year of college in my communications class and I was actually pretty offended by it… so… That’s my story and I’m laying it down. I remember this so vividly I cannot concede.

      And your disclaimer is bullshit lol.

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