Today is very exciting because TOMORROW I LEAVE FOR DISNEY WORLD!!!!
In honor of this SUPER EXCITING time, I have decided to share with you my very best Disney World Stories.
You are welcome Internet.
I wanted to share my top five, but I still have to pack, so I decided to do my top three:
Before we start, you need to know that I go to Disney a lot. A lot a lot. Like more than most people will ever go to Disney in their lifetimes. I worked there for a year and I miss it everyday.
Story 3 – The Tale of the Ambulance Golf Cart
When I was in high school I went to Disney with my mom and my grandparents. I was in the middle an unfortunate phase where I wore flip flops all the time, even when I was going to be on my feet all day and my bum ankle (from an unfortunate orchestra accident – a true story for another time) was bound to swell and rebel.
What was most unfortunate about the flip flops I wore, other than having no support whatsoever, was that they were VERY slippery when wet.
Anyway, I was walking through Future World with my mom and suddenly, I was doing the splits. Keep in mind – I am probably the least flexible person you will ever meet. Even when I was in ballet for 5 years, I never got anywhere close to doing the splits, but there I was, doing the splits in Disney World and thinking “hmm… how did this happen?”
Ok. That’s I lie. What I was thinking “Ow. Ow. Ow. WHAT JUST HAPPENED? OW!!”
What had just happened was that I stepped into what appeared to be a split cup of coke. My shoes got slippery and into the splits I went. As I was figuring this out, and standing up and trying to shake it off, I was just thinking “Ok. I’m ok. I’m fine.” That is when I looked down and saw that while I may be fine, my pants were not so lucky. Angry that I had forced them into a position they were not meant for, my jean capris had rebelled and SPLIT DOWN THE ENTIRE INSEAM OF MY LEFT LEG. Basically my inner thigh was no longer wearing pants.
But I rolled with the punches and I decided if I could get to a bathroom to get all the sticky off (remember, I fell into a huge puddle of pop) I would be ok.
So my mom and I started walking to the nearest bathroom, about 100 steps away, when my bum ankle started screaming “NO! WE ARE NOT OK! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? IF YOU DO NOT STOP WALKING I SWEAR TO ALL THINGS HOLY THAT I WILL END YOU!!!”
As it turns out, my body responds rather quickly with the adrenaline, but sees no need to keep supplying it. When I injure myself I usually have about 45 seconds of “I’m fine. It’s totally ok that I just mortified myself” followed by up to 3 weeks of “I will never walk normally again.”
So after taking about 5 steps, I decided to stop at a bench and my mom decided that it was about time to ask a cast member to get us a wheelchair. She found someone, explained what had happened, and they assured her that they would get us a wheelchair.
Not 3 minutes later I see one of the greatest sights my eyes has ever beheld: A GOLF CART AMBULANCE! It had the lights and the sirens and everything!! I seriously cannot make this up. So the golf cart paramedics start wrapping my bum ankle while a manager from a nearby store (Mouse Gear – it’s the bomb. You should go to there.) came to make sure I was ok. She saw my pants (which I had totally forgotten to be embarrassed about because GOLF CART AMBULANCE PEOPLE!!!) and went back to her store and brings me out a FREE PAIR OF DISNEY PANTS!!! She then got me in a wheel chair, and pushed me to a PRIVATE VAN to take me back to my hotel.
The moral of this story is clearly if you are going to injure yourself, Disney is the place to do it!!
Story 2 – Why You Should Never Support Universal on Disney Property
During my summer of working in the Magic Kingdom, I went with a few friends to the theater Downtown Disney to see Despicable Me. It was AMAZING and I loved it SO MUCH MORE than I expected. I was actually shocked how much I loved it.
After the movie, I went to the restroom and then my friends and I crowded around a claw machine in the lobby, trying DESPERATELY to win a Despicable Me Minion stuffed animal. We are there cheering on my friend who was SO CLOSE to getting the highly prized minion, when a complete stranger taps me on the shoulder and tells me that my dress is tucked into my underwear.
Fun fact about me: I am SUPER PARANOID about this. I NEVER leave a bathroom in a dress without checking to make sure that my skirt is properly placed. I check in every mirror, every elevator door, EVERY REFLECTIVE SURFACE. I worry about it ALL THE TIME. But somehow I was still in a “That movie was SO GOOD” daze that I completely forgot to check. And of course that was the ONE TIME it actually happened! And of course the one time it actually happened, I managed to walk into a crowded theater and moon all the innocent Disney theater goers.
And then we didn’t even win a minion.
I’m fairly certain that was the universe’s way of punishing me for patronizing a Universal movie in a theater on Disney property.
Story 1 – The Time My Cousin Peed on Me. On Christmas.
In order to understand this story you need to know a bit about my cousin. My cousin has special needs. He has autism and Downs Syndrome. He does not talk and is not potty trained. He is 14. He comes with me to Disney a lot.
Last Christmas my mom’s side of the family went to Disney. Again. It was, however, our first time going during the Christmas season. I had been to Disney during the holidays, but my family hadn’t, and I was so excited to show them all of the fun Christmas-y things to do.
One of the coolest things in Disney during the Holidays is the Candlelight Processional. It’s a retelling of the Christmas story with a celebrity narrator and a bunch of different choirs singing Christmas songs. It. Is. Epic. Since it was our first year doing a non-traditional family Christmas, we decided to go to the processional on Christmas Day.
During the music, my cousin climbed into my lap and started hugging me. He is never very touch-y so it was very surprising that he would do that, but I hugged him back and listened to the music while he put my hair in his mouth. (You gotta pick your battles with my cousin, so some nasty soggy hair isn’t too bad in the grand scheme of things.)
Anyway, as we got to the most epic part of the processional (when the music is swelling and the narrator is passionately talking about how Jesus has shaped the world we live in today.) I started really appreciating the moment. It was Christmas and I was with my family in my favorite place in the world. And then a warmth started spreading…. But not in my heart… on my lap… because my cousin’s diaper was most definitely leaking… And a huge wet spot was forming on my jeans…. In Epcot… On Christmas… Needless to say, it was a very Merry Christmas indeed.
After the processional ended we went to the bathroom and changed my cousin’s diaper and I thought about how much I could have used a free pair of pants in that moment. But alas, free pants were not my destiny and instead I walked back to the bus to our resort with a huge pee spot across my thighs.
Come to think of it I really could have used a private van in that moment as well….
|A Christmas Family Portrait in Which I am not Covered in Pee.|