This is Why I Can’t Make Friends.

Note to my friends who read this: Yes, I know the title is wrong and that I am capable of making friends. After all – I have you! And you people are totally awesome for liking me, cuz lets be honest, I’m a big ole wierdo, which is really the point of this post.

Anyway, two separate incidents this week made me really question my ability to ever make anyone new like me.


Incident One


This week I met with a few girls from my new church to introduce myself and talk to them about joining their small group Bible Study. Would you like to know the first real piece of information about myself? This Halloween costume:





Yep. Those are baby doll hands. Yep. I was totally that girl from the SNL Lawrence Welk Sketches. Nope. They had never seen the sketches.


So I showed them this video:



Somehow I don’t think it helped make me seem any less creepy.


Luckily, these girls were super awesome and totally didn’t seem to judge me, but seriously,what was I thinking? That is not a strong start as far as first impressions go.




I mean, is my forehead really big or am I looking through a couple of bubbles?


(Note: It’s not that I’m not proud of the costume. Look at it! its awesome! But it just may not be the most accurate portrayal of the fact that I’m not actually super creepy)


Incident Two


One of the women I work with gets People Magazines and then brings them into work for us to read on our breaks.


We were having a first day of summer cookout and were all gathered together and I start flipping through the most recent issue, which had an article about survivors of the Boston Marathon Bombings.


Here is the thing about this article: All of the people they featured are amputees, and it struck me as very theme-y. It brought to mind a pitch meeting and some sleezy guy going “but there is more – get this – AMPUTEE ADDITION!!!”



I’m not trying to belittle the pain these people went through, but I think an amputee-themed article in and of itself belittles the pain of people who had different experiences with the bombings. Like somehow the article implies that if you didn’t lose a leg you weren’t really affected by the tragedy.


I am sure this wasn’t the intention of the good people over at People, but the issue rubbed me the wrong way.


Would you like to know what I said to my co-worker whom I don’t know very well?


“This is going to come out wrong, but all these people are amputees. It seems like they could have found some other people who were affected by the bombing.”


Seriously? What. An. A-hole.


Now I am that girl who hates amputees! Which I totally don’t! They have been through something horrible and have gone through it heroically (I assume. I don’t know them personally or anything. But they are heroic enough to be in People, so I think it’s a safe assumption)


The point is: Why did I even feel the need to comment on it?


As soon as I started speaking, my head was screaming “WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU SOUND LIKE A TOTAL A-HOLE!!!” But it was too late… The girl I said it to mumble “yeah…” and then started to talking to someone else.


And this is why I can’t make friends.


In other news, I got a surprise root canal today. Except change root canal to root canals. Because I had to have 2 of them! At once! This marks my 6th AND 7th root canals and I am accepting donations for a “Liz will need dental implants or dentures by the age of 30 fund.” I REALLY don’t want dentures, so I am hoping beyond hope that someday I can get dental implants (Cuz I will NEED them) but my uncle got some and they cost him upwards of $10,000… So instead of saving up for retirement I am going to start saving up for teeth. That is how pathetic my life is.


Any stories to make me feel better about being a creepy a-hole who is destined to have no teeth?


I’m guessing not…

At least you like me internet… I hope… after that amputee thing its kind of hard…




3 Responses to This is Why I Can’t Make Friends.

  1. I thought the second story was excellent. You raise a completely valid point. Although the flip is, its a visual medium, how you gonna show mental anguish?

    There’s something to be said about making more than superficial half friends. If you’re not going to weed out people who don’t ‘get’ you and your humour, you’re wasting time, yes?

  2. Pingback: TLC is Ruining My Life

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